Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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