Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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