i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize