You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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