I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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