i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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