Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize