I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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