i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize