Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize