Just cropdusted the office
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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