She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
high people should be assigned attendants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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