I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize