I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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