I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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