you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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