Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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