After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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