Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
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Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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