Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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