the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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