My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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