Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our cab driver is having phone sex.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize