Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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