What a fucking waste of an outfit
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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