my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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