help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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