Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize