I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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