3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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