At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize