Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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