It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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