She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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