no, he came in my armpit
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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