my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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