If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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You took a bar mat shot.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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