Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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