he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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