Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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