He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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