How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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