The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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