You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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