Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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