Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize