just tell him i said nine months
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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