YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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