You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
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Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize