I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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